hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you inspire me to be a worse person
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
