you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
