pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
