I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
