awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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