Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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