I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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