I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
