If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
