every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
