you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
