The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
