woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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