can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
