just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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