Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
