Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
