I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
