No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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