Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
wow bdsm is so cute
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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