he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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