I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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