I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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