i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
