I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
