i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who died my cat blue again?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
