just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
