There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
