you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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