Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
