I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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