Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just google imaged poop.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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