she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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