It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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