so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We left an ass print on the piano.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
