my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
