Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
