My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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