Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
