I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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