we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
