the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
