I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
