We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
