What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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