He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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