its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
