Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
