I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
