so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
