yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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