Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
