she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
